Stress...

So the move date is set. We fly Dec. 15th. There is so much going on right now that I just need to take a few minutes to bitch it all out so I don't have to think about it anymore.

So the current state of my accident settlement is a mess! I ended up crying on the phone today because I feel like it may have effected my voice but I have no way of proving it. They only offered me $750 for pain and suffering but that doesn't quite cover it for me. They are just trying to settle before I leave the country because they know they can screw me over since I have to hurry up a bit. It's bad. I called a lawyer who said he would only take the case if I got proof things were wrong with me. Maybe I have a false sense of how much these companies actually give out for settlements but I made an initial offer of $4,000 (aiming high) the attorney advised that I should take no less than $3,000 based on how much pain and suffering I actually experienced....because GEICO considers that I'm great now and it's all over. I guess this is going to sit for awhile. It's just frustrating!!!!! They need to have a better sense of why they give out what they give out and make it standard!

I'm over that for now. They are reviewing my records now to see if they can offer me more...they damn well better! I'm half terrified to drive anymore because I'm afraid of being hit for no reason now! OVER IT!

I'm getting upset that I am leaving my students.

I'm starting to feel like I am going to miss my family...only because I will know I can't just go home whenever I want now. Because I never went home much to begin with while I was here...so what's changed? Just that I can't now...and that sucks.

I guess I have come down off the high of being a newly wed. Don't get me wrong, I'm blissful in our relationship. He is so wonderful to sit and listen to me go on and on about how sad I am becoming...but more how nervous at this point.

I NEED to start meditating. I NEED to start singing again. I NEED a piano. Without these things I feel like a part of my soul is drying up. It's absolutely nobodies fault by my own of course, which makes it that much more depressing. I just feel like a lump right now. Actually some of it IS circumstantial. I have no piano because I can't. Hopefully, that will change. If I had a piano right now, I swear I would play most of the day.

Taxes. I don't even want to think about Taxes. I am just going to pray to god they don't rape me, as I don't have much money to give over to my country which I am getting ready to leave right now and would rather not support financially any longer. But of course, the only way to give that up is to surrender my passport and give up citizenship, which could mean not being able to get back into the country at some point...which I can't give up.

I'm also getting upset about Doug's situation because it seems that even if we leave before the year is up, they are going to give him a 3 year bar where he cannot get into the United States. I'm not sure what we are going to do about that. I guess it means, I'm going to be flying over here alone a few times (big deal) I think we can go 3 years without him having to be over here. But it sucks all the same!

People are just filling me with negative thoughts and it's really pissing me off. I was doing so well!!! and a part of me still is. I carry a lot of hope....but sometimes I just need to get it all out. Time to think positively again and forget all this nonsense. I can't help but still be a little stressed out about moving though. It's a big change.

I can't type anymore....but thats what is going on at the moment.